I had no real intention of posting anytime soon. It’s the end of the school year, which usually means I’m stressed to the max. I probably am stressed, but am too busy to notice. I had sort of written off blogging for the next few weeks.
However, I found myself with some time on my hands this evening. You see, Knight has recently started a new job. His previous job didn’t work out so well (as in, the company isn’t doing so hot), so he’s picked up a job at a local bowling center. He worked at a bowling alley while we were in college, and loved it. This was supposed to be a sort of stop-gap job until he got a “real job”, but it seems like he’s moving quickly up the food chain there. In about two weeks, he’s gone from waiter to barback to bartender to front desk clerk/supervisor (just got that promotion today! Woo!). His boss has said that he is being groomed for the assistant manager position. Whether or not it actually turns into a long-term job remains to be seen.
While this job hasn’t been the highest paying job, God has been providing him with a steady flow of side jobs… IT contracts (he has an IT degree), construction-type stuff, he mowed a lawn here and there, plus IT work for the bowling center itself. It’s been amazing to look back and see how God has used this time to show us that He is truly faithful. It’s not like there haven’t been nail-biting moments of wondering how, exactly, we were going to pay the bills. But it’s been at those times that I’ve chosen to say (sometimes out loud, just to reassure myself) that God will take care of us. Sometimes it’s been in a panicky, say-it-real-fast, maybe-this-isn’t-faith-it’s-denial sort of way, but I’ve said it anyway. I think that God has rewarded us for that, in more ways that just financially.
Knight has been working really hard and all sorts of crazy hours, doing odd jobs during the day and working in the evenings. (Hence, my “free time”, since Jet is already in bed and asleep.) I really admire Knight for this. It’s not an easy schedule to keep, and I’ve been doing my best to help out by taking care of most things around the house.
I have lots to digest from this whole experience already, with more to come, I’m sure. There are many things that God has been teaching me. The first is that He promises to supply all of our needs. I might want to drive through for dinner tonight, but it’s not a need. God has provided us with a pantry/refrigerator/freezer full of food, a kitchen full of equipment, and the necessary skills (Knight might even call them talents 😛 ) to bring those things together into an edible and tasty dinner for my family.
He has also taught me that today’s troubles are enough for today. In other words, my job is to focus on the tasks He has given me to accomplish today, do my best in His strength to do them for His glory, and then go to bed satisfied instead of worrying about what I could have or should have done.
I also don’t need to expend so much energy worrying about what Knight could have or should have done. Somehow, in the past, I had worked myself into thinking he needed me to micro-manage him, or that I was supposed to do so. The third lesson is in here somewhere, and it’s about letting Knight be the leader of our home. The more I tried to micro-manage, the harder our life was. Suddenly, somehow, I realized that I didn’t have to do that. Knight is a grown man, with life experience enough to make his own decisions. The more I trust him to do what is right, the more he does what is right. (And by “trust”, I mean “not wringing my hands and hovering until he gets it done”.) Not only is he a grown man, but he’s my husband and the father of our child. Those are all roles that God has created him to fill. My job is not to fill those roles for him, or to try to tell him exactly how to fill them, but instead to pray that God will equip him to do those things. I was carrying a huge, unnecessary burden that I had created, not only for me but for him. It was a character in a play that I had written, and I expected Knight to act out those scenes by following my script. While it’s true that the basic roles need to be filled by him, the methods of filling those roles need to be God’s methods, not mine. Furthermore, Knight needs to be the one to discover God’s will for his life. It’s not (always) my job to channel God’s will. I need to pray that Knight will do that on his own. I feel like I’m not being terribly eloquent about something that is truly striking a chord deep in my heart. Perhaps words just can’t do it justice, but I can tell you that I am moved to tears by the joy and relief that I feel when I realize that I can let go and let him be who God has designed him to be.
Whew. It’s getting deep in here, and I promise that I never intended for it to be. I guess this is just what was weighing on me most tonight. Funny that it’s actually a joyful weight; isn’t that an oxymoron or something?
I was actually going to post a quick story about how I totally embarrassed myself in class yesterday; it was going to be lightearted! and funny! and superficial! I guess I could wrap up this post with it, though.
I said the word “rubbers” in lecture …. to a room full of 8th graders and some seniors…. mostly BOYS.
We’ve been talking about electricity in my IPC class, and I think I meant to say “Rubber is an insulator” and the word “rubbers” came out instead, causing me to sort of stutter to a halt in mid-sentence. I tried to gloss over it, but I’m pretty sure everyone caught it. Didn’t help that I blushed practically from the shoulders up. At least the kids were nice and didn’t point it out. To me, anyway. *sigh* A day in the life…